Use the first letter of your name for each answer:

1. What is your name: Angel
2. A four Letter Word: Apex
3. A boys name: Aaron
4. A girl's name: Abby
5. An occupation: Artist
6. A colour: Aubergine
7. Something you wear: Anklet
8. A food: Apple
9. Something found in the bathroom: Axe deodorant
10. A place: Australia
11. A reason for being late: Accident
12. Something you shout: Aiya!
13. A movie title: Armeggedon
14. Something you drink: Apple juice
15. A musical group: Abba
16. An animal: Armadillo
17. A street name: Amsterdam
18. A make of car: Audi
19. A song title: America the Beautiful
20. A verb: Ambling

I find myself in the curious predicament of having quasi-crushes on folks who are probably MUCH too young for my own good.

Still, having crushes feels great, doesn't it?

I haven't posted in a while, but just wantd to ask this:

Can shuffling around on the carpet in fluffy slippers and zapping those unfortunate enough to be near you EVER get boring?

I say no.

In fact, get multiple pairs of shuffling fluffy slippers and the fun factor rises exponentially with each new added pair of slippers.

It's a scientifically proven fact.

Saw a posting by a friend about her gas line and that made me think that while I know nothing about gas lines, I do have a good story to tell about my neighbors' gas line last weekend.

Hey, with the kinda kooky things that have been happening the two weekends prior, I gotta have a story for this past one, right? I mean, everything happens in threes...

So, Saturday night, I went out with some friends to the same Goth club as two weeks ago. Had a good time I did some dancing, they did some drinking, and after everyone was good and tired and/or drunk we all went back to my place. One of my friends, C, met up with the Swiss boy again at the club, and they both ended up crashing at my place while I just stayed over in John's room while they did their thing.

C had to home by 8 the next morning, so when John woke up at 8:30, (because I kicked him... because I will do that in my sleep... because I am a secret Jerk...) he had the wherewithal to jump out of bed and knock on my room to wake them up.

We had parked our car outside our garage so that C could keep her car in there instead, since our neighbors know our car and not hers, and so we're less likely to get towed for keeping our car outside overnight. Anyways, as John was pulling the car away from the garage door to make room for C to leave, he miscalculated the distance the car was from the gas meter outside our building. Next thing you know, he hears grinding metal and a "SSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!" sound.

I was still sleeping through all this.

Next thing *I* know, John comes running into the room telling me I need to wake up and he has to call the fire department and the gas company and maybe I might want to put pants on because I might have to vacate the premises and what am I doing still in bed because I need to get up NOW.

My response, having just been woken up after only a few hours of sleep and obviously therefore having grasp of all my mental facilities was, "Huh?"

And so, the first few hours of waking up involved me going to have a look at the still hissing gas pipe and meter, walking through our garage that reeked of gas, poking at the new hole in our car's bumper, noticing that is wasn't OUR gasline that was busted, but our neighbors' (the same ones we called the police on last weekend), and then wandering out the front door for a cigarette because goddammit, I needed one but didn't want to smoke in my usual spot because God forbid some stray ember goes the wrong way and then won't the neighbors REALLY have something to be pissed at us about, assuming they survive the ensuing blast.

John went knocking on the neighbor's door at 8-something on a Sunday morning to let them know that they might want to not be in the house until the fire department and gas company come along. I'm sure they thoroughly appreciated that. And I'm sure they had many kind words to say about us afterwards.

Anyways, the fire deparment came and turned off the gas. And then the gas company came and fixed the pipe.

I think they were surprised that John actually admitted to driving into the gas pipe and insisted that they make sure to charge us for the damage and not our neighbors. The gas guy told us that folks... especially construction and development companies... will lie like hell when they accidentally dig into a gas pipeline. In fact, he said that when they would remove a damaged pipe, they have to make sure they keep an eye on it so they can take it in for evidence. Otherwise, construction workers will pick the damn thing up and walk off with it because it's basically proof of something that would cost them thousands of dollars.

Fortunately, he said that he doubts the damage on the neighbors gas pipe isn't going to cost us anything like that. Maybe a couple of hundred (we're hoping) which would be a very good thing.

And that, my friends, was my weekend.

Well, no naked orgies this weekend. Hip hip hooray!

Hung out with the subby hubby, D, and ended up breaking his junk. And by "his junk," I mean what you think I mean. By accident of course.

Okay, really, HE broke it. A case of too much enthusiasm and too little Astroglide. But I oversaw the operation, so I guess I should take partial responsibility.

Anyways, hung out with some other folks and did some catching up on sleep. Mostly boring.

Except on Sunday. Yet again, I missed a big ol' to-do while I was gone. I should count my lucky stars I suppose, not having to deal with this stuff, but on Sunday I went to go visit a friend and while I was at her house, I got a call from John about the next door neighbors.

Some guy was beating up on the woman next door. He knocked her down and was kicking her in the head. I'm guessing this must have been outside because John saw what was going on and called the police. A policewoman came and didn't even arrest the guy, who incidentally started yelling all these threats about "killing the motherfucker who called the police" and something about the "Chinese bitch" too.

I guess that's me. I even don't know how I got involved in all this since I wasn't even there.

Anyways, after the policewoman left, there was more fighting next door, and I guess someone else called the police again because this time a policeman came and arrested the guy about three minutes after getting there. John got a call from the police, who said that the woman who was getting beat up was being "uncooperative" and since there were threats that had been made, would we like to put some sort of restraining order on the guy. John said yes, and the guy isn't allowed within 100 yards of our address.

So a couple of questions comes to mind from all of this.

A.) If you are a policewoman and you are called to a domestic violence scene, why wouldn't you arrest the asshole who's doing it? I mean, I'd think there would be more... sympathy?... involved for members of your sex.

B.) If you are the woman getting beat up, why the hell wouldn't you press charges against the dickwad who beat you up?

C.) How the hell did *I* get involved in all this? Seriously... the "Chinese bitch?? What the hell?

I had a doozy of a weekend. Correction: a Doozy of a weekend. Yes, it was so much of a Doozy that it needs to be capitalized. It was so much of a Doozy that it has taken me until to day to recuperate from, process and finally write about it.


I told you. It was a Doozy.

Attended a wedding in Stockton this weekend... well, more like a very late reception I guess, since the couple already got married on the sly a bit of a while ago. Sat around not knowing anybody. Chatted with a couple of folks, but mostly sat at the bar and pretended to be REALLY interested in the game that was on TV, though I know virtually nothing about basketball, but you know, anything to keep from having to have empty conversations with people I'm likely never to see again.

Two interesting new people. 1.) former infielder for the NY Mets, husband of the bride's sister. And 2.) the bride's ex-boyfriend who plays an excellent classical guitar. Nice guy, funny, told me about his conversation with some woman who wouldn't stop looking at his shoulder. Told him he should start charging her for the privilege.

Anyhow, there was lots of driving to and from Stockton. Stopped off at a farm on the way down with the yummiest strawberries, blueberries and cherries ever. I think I'm going to try and save the seeds and plant them... though knowing me with my black thumb, they're probably doomed already.

Also watched the Jackie Chan/Jet Li movie. Fight scenes were good, but overall it was HORRIBLE. John says I owe him something like a million explosion movies now. I don't blame him.

Here's what's going on:

1.) My dog Dookie is missing. He up and bolted while my mom walking him last night. Called the animal shelters and the police department. No luck. So if any of you happen to be in the Rockland County area of NY and find or know of anyone who has found a black French bulldog, let me know. He looks like this:



2.) Finished my taxes and mailed them out on Monday. I owe something like $900, which isn't bad considering I haven't had any taxes taken out all this past year working as a contractor. Still, owing money is still kinda sucky.

3.) Got news from my boss that we might be getting a big chunk of investment money coming into the business, which means that I might be getting a big fat paycheck of deferred salary coming to me once the money comes through... something like twelve grand if I'm calculating right. This is good news for the folks to whom I owe money. What's quasi-bad is that after paying everybody, I don't think I'll have any of it left over for anything fun. Oh well.

4.) I'm in the middle of that "Work is never done" feeling where I think of everything that needs to get done and it seems like there's just no end to it. Which then makes me sad because I kind of want to be able to just hide in my bedroom and live in my PJs for a few days and not have to see or speak to anyone for a little while.

5.) I'm realizing... actually, I've always known this but sometimes I realize it more at certain times than others... that I have some sort of internal time limit on how long I can stand to be around some people. Like, I'll be fine hanging out with some people for maybe up to four hours, but after that, through no fault on their part because it's not like they suddenly changed or anything, I just need them to go away because I start feeling like, "You're annoying the hell out of me." Or, I can maintain constant contact with somebody for a month, six months, a year... but then after that I need to not see or hear from them for a couple of months because they're just getting to be Too Much. There are fairly few people I can constantly be around without getting that "I need to get away from you" feeling at some point. This is weird, isn't it?

Maybe I should just be a hermit. Or maybe I'm just in the middle of an anti-social cycle. Maybe both.

Okay, okay... I saw this image up on one of the groups I'm in.

Guess what this is a picture of:



Ready for the story? The girl who posted this works at a prison, and one of the inmates was sent to the hospital/medical center because he was hiding contraband "you know where". After not being able to expel the items for over 24 hours, well, he had to let somebody know. So what's the contraband you're looking at in the X-ray?

A cell phone and charger.

BEST part of her story? "...while the guards were transporting him they heard something humming... the patient said, "It's ringing." What kind of service is that reliable?! Hahaha!"

I'm going to get my taxes done this weekend.

I swear.

I hate my monthly. It is The Suck.

I wish there was an on/off switch for it. I would turn it to "Off".. and then smash it so that it can never turn on again.

What about babies? It's okay. I can adopt.

Took the quiz and it was surprisingly easy. Which just makes me nervous. Because it seems like it shouldn't be easy. Which makes me think that maybe I misread something. Which makes me think that maybe I really DID suck yesterday.

John says I'm just psyching myself out. I think he's right.

I went to Cynthia's place today, this gal I work with, to take pictures of her 7 year old daughter, Sam, for the website. It's kinda nice how it feels when little kids are genuinely happy to see you. She kept trying to convince me to sleep over 'til morning, which was cute. And she kept telling me that she loved me... which was a little weird, but also very cute considering she's only 7 and all.

And when I left, she gave me a hug and kissed me on my belly. That was odd feeling, but very sweet.

And as I was about to get in my car, she ran out, said, "One more thing!" and hugged me again and kissed me another two times on the belly.

I don't think my belly has ever gotten that much attention, ever. :-)

I have a Biostatistics quiz today. I've stopped knowing what the hell is going on in that class. Just memorizing the numbers and equations and crap. Fingers crossed that I don't suck today.

Re-posted by me from one of the groups I'm in. Something I thought all us cash strapped folks would do well to remember to enjoy. :-)



"They say the best things in life are free. Beyond a shadow of a doubt, the list below proves that statement to be true. Life is filled with simple pleasures, the little satisfying effects you never really anticipate, but always take great pleasure in. They are the gifts of life that we each subconsciously celebrate in our own unique way.

Here are 30 of the most satisfying simple pleasures life has to offer:

1. Sleeping In on a Rainy Day – As the rain beats lightly against the window, you nestle your head deeper into your pillow. The sound is soothing and your bed feels like a sanctuary. There is no place you would rather be.

2. Finding Money You Didn’t Know You Had – You reach into your pocket and find a $20 bill from the last time you wore these jeans. You aren’t rich, but you are richer than you were a second earlier.

3. Making Brief Eye Contact with Someone of the Opposite Sex – You pass her on the street or in the subway. She glances up at you momentarily, making direct eye contact in a way that seems to communicate a subtle curiosity. For a split second it makes you think… and then it’s gone.

4. Skinny Dipping – There is something mysteriously liberating about being naked in a body of water. You are naked, but it feels natural, a sense of unrefined freedom.

5. Receiving a Real Letter or Package via Snail Mail – E-mail has become the primary source of written communication. Most snail mail these days is junk mail. When you check the mail and find a real letter or package from someone you know, excitement overtakes you as you tear into this rare gift.

6. Making the Yellow Light - It’s one of the most common simple pleasures, the act of beating the pack. As
you blaze through the yellow light you glance in your rearview to see all the cars behind you stopping at the red light. Yes! You made it!

7. Telling a Funny or Interesting, True Story - One of the most enticing roles you lead in life is that of the storyteller. You love to share stories, especially those that will captivate your audience with deep curiosity and humor. There are few things more satisfying than telling a true story that others enjoy listening to.

8. Seeing a Friend Stumble Over Himself – As you walk across the street with your friend, he fails to accurately address the curb on the other side. He trips and stumbles around momentarily before regaining his footing, then swiftly attempts to play it off like nothing happened. This can be a hilarious sight if the moment is right.

9. Hearing the Right Song at the Right Moment - It doesn’t matter what the setting is, hearing the right song for that moment is one of those simple pleasures in life that instantly lifts your spirits. You could be driving home from work, hanging out at a bar with friends, or jogging. When the right song rattles your ear drums the entire meaning of life seems crystal clear.

10. The First Sip of a Beverage When You’re Thirsty – You just finished mowing the lawn or taking a long jog. The only thing on your mind is an ice-cold glass of water. When you are really, really thirsty, that first sip of any liquid beverage is sheer bliss.

11. Catching a Glimpse of Bare Skin on the Opposite Sex – For guys, it’s when the waitress bends over a little too far. For girls it’s seeing that buff guy in a Speedo. Either way, when you see a bit more skin than you were expecting on the opposite sex, you can’t help but to smirk on the inside.

12. Saying the Same Thing Simultaneously – There is a moment of silence. Then all of the sudden you and your friend blurt out the same exact set of words simultaneously. This rare occurrence is something to smile about.

13. The Pull-Through Parking Spot – You pull into a parking spot and are delighted to see the availability of the parking spot immediately in front of you. You pull through to the spot in front so that when you return to the car you can drive forward out of the parking spot. Why? Because driving backwards is a pain in the butt.

14. Realizing You Have More Time to Sleep – Something abruptly awakens you and you think it’s time to get up. Then you squint over at your alarm clock and realize you still have 2 more hours to sleep. A warm euphoric feeling shoots though your body as you glide gracefully back to your dreams.

15. People Watching – Sitting there on your bench you can see people in every direction. Tall people, small people, thin and plump. Blond, brunette, and redhead alike. Each of them has a different stride and a unique expression. As you drift from body to body you are mesmerized by what you see.

16. Putting On Clothes Straight from the Dryer – As soon as the dryer buzzes, you pull out your clothes and put them on. They feel soothingly warm on your skin and emit a fresh-scented aroma into the air. A sentiment of ease comes over you as you head out to conquer the day.

17. A Familiar Smell – You just pulled into your parent’s driveway and opened the car door. You haven’t been home in a long while. You smell familiarity in the air, the scent of a large pine tree in the neighbor’s yard. As you head through the front door, more familiar smells consume your senses. Gosh, it feels good to be home…

18. The Feeling You Get When Your Idea Works – You have been struggling to resolve a complex problem all day and you just can’t seem to get it right. Filled with frustration, you decide to exercise one last idea before calling it a night. You’ve had many ideas before that failed miserably… but this time it works.

19. Fresh, Clean Bed Sheets – You yank at the corner of the bedspread to create just enough space to slide your body under the freshly cleaned sheets. The sheets feel cool to the touch. Everything seems so clean, like nobody has ever slept in this bed before.

20. A Beautiful View – As the car veers around the side of the mountain you gaze out the passenger window. It’s a clear, sunny day and you can see the entire valley below filled with wild flowers and bright green vegetation. The scenery reminds you of something you once saw in National Geographic. But here it is live, right before your eyes.

21. Reminiscing About Old Times with Your Closest Friends – Pink Floyd once said “the memories of a man in his old age are the deeds of a man in his prime”. There is no simple pleasure more satisfying than recounting the greatest moments of your life with your closest friends who lived these moments alongside you.

22. Receiving an Unexpected Compliment – It’s been an average day. Nothing really great has happened, but nothing terrible occurred either. This monotonous day has put you in a dreary mood. Unexpectedly, an older, attractive lady taps you on the shoulder, calls you “handsome” and says she loves your shirt. The day just got a whole lot better.

23. Having a Good Laugh – Laughter is the greatest cure of all. Life is extraordinary in the moments when you are laughing so hard you can barely breathe. These moments of deep laughter are divine in the sense that they cleanse your mood and set your mind on a positive track.

24. The Feeling After a Healthy Workout - It’s a giddy feeling of self accomplishment; the one true activity that actually makes you feel better and look better simultaneously. When you walk out the front door of the gym you are on top of the world.

25. The Celebration in the Instant Something Makes Sense – Even now that it has explained to you for the third time, you just don’t understand how it works. Everyone else seems to understand but you. Then out of the blue the dots connect in your mind. You finally get it, and it feels great!

26. Relaxing Outdoors on a Sunny Day – As you relax sprawled out in a lawn chair, the sun warms your skin and a light breeze keeps the temperature comfortable. Birds are chirping merrily in the trees behind you. You are at complete peace with the environment.

27. Holding Hands with Someone You Love – Every time she grabs your hand you are overcome with an awareness of how much she means to you. Holding hands is sensual and physically intimate, yet subtle. There are few people you allow to hold your hand, so when it happens you can be sure that the moment is special.

28. Playing in the Water – Water marvels people of all ages. From jumping in puddles as a child, to doing cannon balls in the pool as an adolescent, to enjoying a cocktail in the Jacuzzi as an adult… water is enjoyable.

29. Making Someone Smile – You notice that your colleague has been under a great deal of stress with meeting a deadline, so you take it upon yourself to complete one of her indirect responsibilities for her. As soon as she realizes what you did, she comes into your office with a big smile on her face. “Thank you”, she says. You just hit two birds with one stone, because making her smile just made your day.

30. Finishing What You Started – You just finished up a big project you’ve been working on for the last few months, or maybe you just finished your first marathon… Either way, you finalized what you set out to accomplish. The feeling of self accomplishment you get when you finish what you started is by far one of the most rewarding simple pleasures life has to offer."

Found this pic of something I found in the bathroom of a place I used to work at:



Just wanted to share... hahaha....

Blah blah blah... I have so much work to do and I am so UNMOTIVATED about doing any of it. So I'm going to tell you what I am going to do over the weekend.

1.) Going to a drag show on Saturday. Boys in dresses! Fun!

2.) Watching John Adams on HBO. Because it's just the right amount of nerdy. Plus, I got to see a guy's junk on the show last weekend. Heh.

3.) Putting stuff up on ebay. Because I need the cash. Because my boss is three invoices past due, (total of 6 weeks). Because he, the bank and the fiscal world at large sucks. Bleh.

4.) Maybe get some tax related paperwork type stuff done. Saving all your receipts so you can itemize them makes for large piles of itty bitty pieces of paper you have to sort through at the end of the year. Narf!

(Yeah, I said "Narf!")
 

I've been reading mom blogs lately. It's mostly for my job, contacting moms who blog and asking them if they'd like to try out our product and tell others about it through their posts and such.

You might think to yourself, as I did, what do moms blog about? How interesting can a mom's blog be when they're most likely writing about the latest thing that Junior. drew in Crayola on the front hallway walls, or how to best deal with diaper rash, or  how Mr. Mom came home and tracked his boots all over the kitchen floor AGAIN.  Right?

Surprisingly, every time I start reading a blog, I end up getting sucked in because that's not what they write about at all. At least, that's not the ONLY thing they write about.

Just today, I read about one mom's two week trip to Africa where she met some of the kids in Uganda she's been sponsoring, accompanied by pictures of what it's like to live in poverty... I mean REAL poverty. Then I read about another mother who had a stillborn son with pictures posted of her daughter holding the baby in the delivery room. And I've been reading the back and forths between moms who were discussing their views on pro-choice and pro-life.

The pro-life versus pro-choice conversation I found particularly interesting, because who else would have as unique or relevant of a view on the topic as women who have actually had babies? They were on both sides of the fence, as many people are, but I found the pro-lifers'  comments to be surprisingly much more kind and sympathetic to the dilemma many women face about whether abortion is the right route for them than I would have expected. The topic was sparked by a woman who was writing about why she changed her stance on the subject from pro-choice to pro-life. Many said that they too were once adamantly pro-choice, but are now on the fence, either because of their personal experience with having had children or because of what they do. One woman I recall works at a crisis center and has had to help families through pregnancies as a result of rape or incest.

It's been interesting, uplifting, sad and thought-provoking to read about what mothers think about. Most of the time, it's not much different from what you would expect, or from what non-mothers might think about. But sometimes I'm just really surprised. I didn't realize that I held such a huge misconception about moms... that they were these Madonna-like creatures who didn't discuss the muck of "real" life, or else that just because they popped a few babies out, suddenly they had to sacrifice any intelligence they may have had prior to jumping on the baby train.

I guess I stand corrected.

My last name is "Kuo", pronouced "Quo", like in "Status quo".

I've gotten "Kyoo", like the letter "Q".

I've gotten "Koo", like "to COO over a baby".

I've gotten "Kwah", like "you are QUAsi-evil".

I've gotten "Kyoo-Oh", like the letters "Q" and "O"

I've gotten ""Kwuh", like the "K" sound plus the "Wha" sound in "What".

and so it goes...

I don't remember what I dreamed about last night, but I do remember what I dreamed about last week.

I dreamed that my boss was rushing to the airport, and he was dropping the clothes he was bringing with him behind him. So, I was chasing him and picking up the clothes to hand to him before he boarded the plane. In his rush, he bumped into a woman. The woman's boyfriend, who was French for some reason, turns around and thinks that it was ME who bumped into her. Out of some weird misplaced sense of duty, he decides that he needs to beat me up.

Next thing I know, he's got me in a headlock and he's punching me repeatedly in the kidneys and I'm all, "Ooowww... it wasn't me!" My boss sees all this, but is in such a rush to catch his plane that he just runs off without helping me.

Afterwards, the French guy decides he needs to lecture me in French and I'm all, "What the hell?! It wasn't ME!"

The girlfriend knows it wasn't me, but doesn't speak up. Instead, she slips a hundred dollar bill into my pocket... I guess as some sort of apology and compensation for having my kidneys beat to hell.

I get home and John's at the computer all upset about finances, so I give the hundred dollars to him, feeling all, "Nobody cares that I got beat up by a French guy."

Incidentally, my boss told me yesterday that he's meeting with a bunch of French investors this coming week. I hope this isn't some sort of weird prophetic dream or something. I like my kidneys.